1
00:00:04,605 --> 00:00:08,618
Man over P.A.: <i>Flight
229 to Lisbon and Madrid</i>

2
00:00:08,642 --> 00:00:10,876
<i>is now boarding at gate 3.</i>

3
00:00:17,350 --> 00:00:20,329
WELL, KENDALL, WE GOT
YOU TO THE AIRPORT SAFELY,

4
00:00:20,353 --> 00:00:22,932
NOW ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS GET
YOU ON THAT FLIGHT TO LONDON.

5
00:00:22,956 --> 00:00:25,101
FIRST I'M GONNA GET
MYSELF A GOOD STIFF DRINK.

6
00:00:25,125 --> 00:00:27,637
- BUT YOU NEVER DRINK.
- I NEVER DROVE WITH YOU EITHER.

7
00:00:27,661 --> 00:00:30,140
YOU CHECK YOUR BAG, I'M
GOING TO REPORT IN TO THE CHIEF.

8
00:00:30,164 --> 00:00:34,377
- OKAY, 86.
- Woman over P.A.:<i> Flight 6</i>
<i>leaving for New York,</i>

9
00:00:34,401 --> 00:00:38,215
<i>London and Paris
leaving at gate 67.</i>

10
00:00:38,239 --> 00:00:40,172
<i>Now board please.</i>

11
00:00:57,558 --> 00:00:59,769
HELLO, CHIEF. THIS IS MAX.

12
00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:02,905
I GOT KENDALL HERE TO THE AIRPORT
WITHOUT ANYTHING GOING WRONG.

13
00:01:02,929 --> 00:01:06,476
THIS IS ONE CONTROL AGENT THAT KAOS
IS NOT GOING TO GET THEIR HANDS ON.

14
00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:09,512
BY THIS TIME TOMORROW
KENDALL WILL BE IN LONDON

15
00:01:09,536 --> 00:01:12,682
DELIVERING THE TOP SECRET
DEFENSE PLANS TO NATO.

16
00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:15,652
WHAT'S THAT? OH REALLY?

17
00:01:15,676 --> 00:01:17,642
UH, THANK YOU.

18
00:01:19,646 --> 00:01:22,180
HELLO, OPERATOR. I JUST
GOT THE WRONG NUMBER.

19
00:01:24,785 --> 00:01:26,763
Woman over P.A.:
<i>Flight 69 leaving...</i>

20
00:01:26,787 --> 00:01:30,133
- MAY I HELP YOU, SIR?
- I'M ON FLIGHT 10 TO LONDON.

21
00:01:30,157 --> 00:01:32,969
- I'D LIKE SOME INSURANCE.
- WILL THAT BE ROUND TRIP?

22
00:01:32,993 --> 00:01:36,238
I CERTAINLY HOPE SO.

23
00:01:36,262 --> 00:01:38,430
- AND YOUR NAME PLEASE?
- MICHAEL KENDALL.

24
00:01:44,004 --> 00:01:46,070
IF YOU'LL JUST
FILL THIS OUT, SIR.

25
00:01:48,408 --> 00:01:51,854
I JUST CHECKED IN WITH
HEADQUARTERS. ARE YOU READY, KENDALL?

26
00:01:51,878 --> 00:01:54,557
IN A SECOND, SMART. I'M PUTTING
YOU DOWN AS BENEFICIARY.

27
00:01:54,581 --> 00:01:56,592
OH, THAT'S VERY
GENEROUS OF YOU, KENDALL.

28
00:01:56,616 --> 00:01:58,761
- HERE YOU ARE.
- THANK YOU.

29
00:01:58,785 --> 00:02:00,497
TELEPHONE CALL
FOR MICHAEL KENDALL.

30
00:02:00,521 --> 00:02:04,167
- <i>Michael Kendall.</i>
- THAT'S FOR ME.

31
00:02:04,191 --> 00:02:06,636
WHERE CAN I TAKE IT, MISS?

32
00:02:06,660 --> 00:02:08,638
YOU CAN TAKE IT IN
THAT BOOTH OVER THERE.

33
00:02:08,662 --> 00:02:10,495
THANK YOU.

34
00:02:19,006 --> 00:02:22,719
Man over P.A.:
<i>Flight 13 for Chicago,</i>

35
00:02:22,743 --> 00:02:26,690
<i>and New York now
boarding at gate 25.</i>

36
00:02:26,714 --> 00:02:29,554
HURRY UP, KENDALL. WE'VE
GOT LESS THAN 10 MINUTES.

37
00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:33,619
KENDALL?

38
00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:39,992
KENDALL?!

39
00:02:45,198 --> 00:02:48,210
MISS, YOU KNOW THAT MAN THAT
JUST FILLED OUT AN INSURANCE POLICY?

40
00:02:48,234 --> 00:02:51,135
- YES.
- HOW LONG DO I HAVE TO WAIT
BEFORE I CAN FILE A CLAIM?

41
00:04:04,845 --> 00:04:07,089
Chief: <i>JOB WAS TO
GUARD KENDALL SO KAOS</i>

42
00:04:07,113 --> 00:04:08,892
<i>WOULDN'T GET THEIR HANDS ON HIM!</i>

43
00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:10,993
<i>HOW COULD YOU HAVE
FAILED SO MISERABLY?!</i>

44
00:04:11,017 --> 00:04:13,696
<i>21 OF OUR TOP AGENTS
HAVE DISAPPEARED</i>

45
00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:17,634
<i>IN THE LAST SIX MONTHS! KENDALL
WAS THE MOST IMPORTANT MAN LEFT!</i>

46
00:04:17,658 --> 00:04:20,870
<i>HOW COULD YOU HAVE LET HIM
DISAPPEAR FROM UNDER YOUR VERY NOSE?!</i>

47
00:04:20,894 --> 00:04:23,039
<i>YOU NINCOMPOOP!</i>

48
00:04:23,063 --> 00:04:25,441
- WHO'S HE TALKING TO?
- NOBODY. HE'S REHEARSING.

49
00:04:25,465 --> 00:04:27,243
EH, REHEARSING, YES.

50
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:29,912
TELL HIM SOMETHING CAME
UP AND WE COULDN'T MAKE IT.

51
00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:32,315
MAX, YOU'VE GOT TO GO
IN. HE'S EXPECTING YOU.

52
00:04:32,339 --> 00:04:34,338
EH...

53
00:04:42,749 --> 00:04:44,760
- HELLO, CHIEF.
- HI, CHIEF.

54
00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:47,763
HELLO, 99. LARABEE, TELL SMART

55
00:04:47,787 --> 00:04:49,532
I'M GOING TO TALK
TO HIM THROUGH YOU

56
00:04:49,556 --> 00:04:51,767
BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO
TALK TO HIM PERSONALLY.

57
00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:55,604
I DON'T BLAME YOU. HE HANDLED THIS
ASSIGNMENT LIKE AN INCOMPETENT NINCOMPOOP.

58
00:04:55,628 --> 00:04:57,640
- I LIKE THAT!
- YOU DID?

59
00:04:57,664 --> 00:05:00,710
- I DIDN'T LIKE IT AT ALL.
- LARABEE, TELL SMART I WANT

60
00:05:00,734 --> 00:05:02,678
A DETAILED
EXPLANATION RIGHT NOW.

61
00:05:02,702 --> 00:05:04,380
RIGHT, CHIEF. THE CHIEF WANTS...

62
00:05:04,404 --> 00:05:06,950
DON'T YOU TALK TO ME, LARABEE,
AFTER WHAT YOU JUST CALLED ME.

63
00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:09,418
- 99, WILL YOU...
- DO YOU THINK I'D HAVE
ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU

64
00:05:09,442 --> 00:05:11,020
AFTER WHAT YOU
CALLED MY HUSBAND?

65
00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:13,422
- CHIEF, THEY WON'T TALK TO ME.
- I DON'T BLAME THEM.

66
00:05:13,446 --> 00:05:16,559
I'M IN CHARGE HERE. WHAT RIGHT DO
YOU HAVE TO GIVE A PERSONAL OPINION?

67
00:05:16,583 --> 00:05:18,594
- WELL, I JUST THOUGHT...
- DON'T TALK TO ME.

68
00:05:18,618 --> 00:05:21,398
- 99, TELL MAX...
- CHIEF, IF YOU CAN'T
TALK TO MY HUSBAND,

69
00:05:21,422 --> 00:05:23,233
DON'T BOTHER
TALKING TO ME EITHER.

70
00:05:23,257 --> 00:05:25,502
WELL, THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

71
00:05:25,526 --> 00:05:27,837
WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING A
MEETING AND NOBODY'S TALKING TO ANYBODY.

72
00:05:27,861 --> 00:05:30,173
LARABEE, TELL MAX I'M SORRY.

73
00:05:30,197 --> 00:05:33,476
- I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU, CHIEF.
- <i>LOOK, WE GOT OFF</i>
<i>ON THE WRONG FOOT</i>

74
00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:37,179
AND IT'S GETTING US NOWHERE. IF I
OFFENDED ANYBODY IN THIS OFFICE,

75
00:05:37,203 --> 00:05:40,416
I APOLOGIZE. MAX, WHAT DO
YOU THINK HAPPENED TO KENDALL?

76
00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:43,353
WELL, CHIEF, I'VE BEEN
GIVING IT A LOT OF THOUGHT.

77
00:05:43,377 --> 00:05:45,955
- AND<i> I</i> HAVE A THEORY.
- I'D LIKE TO HEAR IT.

78
00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:48,091
OKAY, CHIEF, HERE IT IS:

79
00:05:48,115 --> 00:05:51,660
CONTROL AGENT KENDALL WENT
INTO THAT TELEPHONE BOOTH

80
00:05:51,684 --> 00:05:54,319
AND DISAPPEARED.

81
00:05:56,357 --> 00:05:58,501
- GO ON.
- THAT'S MY THEORY.

82
00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:00,970
THAT'S IT? WELL, IT
MAY BE YOUR THEORY,

83
00:06:00,994 --> 00:06:03,072
BUT IT'S NOT MUCH
OF AN EXPLANATION.

84
00:06:03,096 --> 00:06:04,890
I WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING
THAT HAPPENED FROM

85
00:06:04,914 --> 00:06:06,609
THE MOMENT YOU WALKED
INTO THAT TERMINAL.

86
00:06:06,633 --> 00:06:08,578
OKAY, CHIEF. WELL...

87
00:06:08,602 --> 00:06:10,879
<i>I WALKED INTO THE TERMINAL,</i>

88
00:06:10,903 --> 00:06:13,483
<i>THEN I LOOKED AROUND TO
SEE IF THE COAST WAS CLEAR,</i>

89
00:06:13,507 --> 00:06:15,973
<i>THEN I NODDED FOR
KENDALL TO FOLLOW ME.</i>

90
00:06:17,644 --> 00:06:21,090
- THEN WHAT?
- WELL, THEN I TOLD HIM
TO CHECK HIS LUGGAGE

91
00:06:21,114 --> 00:06:24,260
AT THE BAGGAGE COUNTER WHILE I
TELEPHONED YOU AT HEADQUARTERS.

92
00:06:24,284 --> 00:06:26,996
- GO AHEAD.
- WELL, THEN I WENT
TO THE INSURANCE COUNTER

93
00:06:27,020 --> 00:06:29,465
AND THAT'S WHEN I HEARD
HIM PAGED ON THE TELEPHONE.

94
00:06:29,489 --> 00:06:31,601
PAGED ON THE PHONE?
THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!

95
00:06:31,625 --> 00:06:33,136
WHY? THEY HAVE A PHONE HERE.

96
00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:35,638
NO, MAX, KENDALL WAS
TRAVELING UNDER A CODE "Z."

97
00:06:35,662 --> 00:06:37,540
THE ONLY ONES WHO
KNEW ABOUT HIS FLIGHT

98
00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:39,475
WERE YOU AND ME,
AND I DIDN'T PHONE HIM!

99
00:06:39,499 --> 00:06:41,611
BUT SOMEBODY MUST'VE
TELEPHONED HIM, CHIEF,

100
00:06:41,635 --> 00:06:43,479
BECAUSE I WAS WITH
HIM WHEN HE WAS PAGED!

101
00:06:43,503 --> 00:06:45,381
AND THEN I FOLLOWED
HIM TO THE TELEPHONE

102
00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:48,317
- JUST BEFORE HE DISAPPEARED.
- COME ON.

103
00:06:48,341 --> 00:06:51,421
WE ARE GOVERNMENT AGENTS. WE'D
LIKE TO ASK YOU A FEW QUESTIONS.

104
00:06:51,445 --> 00:06:53,590
- CERTAINLY.
- DID YOU PAGE
A MICHAEL KENDALL

105
00:06:53,614 --> 00:06:55,057
- THIS MORNING?
- KENDALL?

106
00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:57,460
- MM-HMM.
- KENDALL... SOUNDS FAMILIAR,

107
00:06:57,484 --> 00:07:00,229
BUT IT'S HARD FOR ME TO SAY, SO
MANY PEOPLE COME THROUGH HERE

108
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:03,099
- DURING THE COURSE OF THE DAY.
- BUT IF YOU DID PAGE HIM,
WOULD YOU CALL HIM

109
00:07:03,123 --> 00:07:06,035
- FROM THIS COUNTER?
- YES, WE USE THIS MICROPHONE
RIGHT HERE.

110
00:07:06,059 --> 00:07:08,237
THANK YOU. COME ON, MAX.

111
00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:10,061
GOVERNMENT AGENTS.

112
00:07:34,521 --> 00:07:36,854
YES. I HAVE IT.

113
00:07:41,728 --> 00:07:44,440
TELEPHONE CALL FOR
MR. HAROLD CLARK.

114
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:46,809
- <i>Mr. Harold Clark.</i>
- MAX, LISTEN.

115
00:07:46,833 --> 00:07:49,112
THEY JUST PAGED HAROLD CLARK!

116
00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:52,882
OF COURSE! IT WAS HAROLD
CLARK WHO PHONED KENDALL!

117
00:07:52,906 --> 00:07:55,784
NO, MAX, THAT'S MY CODE
NAME. <i>I'M</i> HAROLD CLARK.

118
00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:57,942
YOU'D BETTER ANSWER
THE PHONE, HAROLD.

119
00:07:59,346 --> 00:08:01,624
IT'S JUST POSSIBLE THAT
WHOEVER PHONED KENDALL

120
00:08:01,648 --> 00:08:03,559
THIS MORNING COULD
ALSO BE PHONING ME.

121
00:08:03,583 --> 00:08:06,195
YOU'RE RIGHT. COME ON, YOU
CAN USE THIS PHONE OVER HERE.

122
00:08:06,219 --> 00:08:08,197
KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN, MAX.

123
00:08:08,221 --> 00:08:10,766
Man over P.A.: <i>Will
Mr. J.R. Koleser...</i>

124
00:08:10,790 --> 00:08:13,903
<i>Will Mr. J.R. Koleser</i>

125
00:08:13,927 --> 00:08:17,173
<i>please report to the
information counter?</i>

126
00:08:17,197 --> 00:08:19,831
HEY, CHIEF, THAT GIRL
AT THE COUNTER IS...

127
00:08:20,901 --> 00:08:22,700
CHIEF?

128
00:08:24,370 --> 00:08:25,970
CHIEF!

129
00:08:28,808 --> 00:08:30,687
- UH, MISS.
- YES, SIR?

130
00:08:30,711 --> 00:08:33,031
DO YOU HAVE A LOST AND FOUND?

131
00:08:33,813 --> 00:08:35,091
- HELLO?
- YES?

132
00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:37,026
NO, THE CHIEF ISN'T HERE.

133
00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:39,429
I'LL TELL HIM YOU
CALLED, SENATOR.

134
00:08:39,453 --> 00:08:43,099
HELLO? NO, THE CHIEF ISN'T HERE.

135
00:08:43,123 --> 00:08:46,102
- <i>I'M SORRY. THANK YOU. RIGHT,
I'LL HAVE HIM CALL THE WHITE HOUSE</i>

136
00:08:46,126 --> 00:08:48,003
- AS SOON AS HE GETS IN.
- HELLO?

137
00:08:48,027 --> 00:08:49,595
THESE ORDERS HAVE TO
BE SIGNED BY THE CHIEF

138
00:08:49,619 --> 00:08:51,174
AND DELIVERED TO THE
PENTAGON IMMEDIATELY.

139
00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:53,576
THEY CAN'T BE SIGNED
NOW, THE CHIEF ISN'T HERE.

140
00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:56,112
- I'M SORRY,
THE CHIEF ISN'T HERE.
- I HAVE WORSE NEWS:

141
00:08:56,136 --> 00:08:58,881
HARVEY JUST CLOSED THE CONTROL
DELICATESSEN AND WENT HOME.

142
00:08:58,905 --> 00:09:01,017
YOU'RE KIDDING. WHY?

143
00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:03,486
WITH ONLY THREE CONTROL
AGENTS LEFT IN WASHINGTON,

144
00:09:03,510 --> 00:09:05,621
HE CAN'T AFFORD TO
STAY OPEN ANY LONGER.

145
00:09:05,645 --> 00:09:07,456
RIGHT, JUST AS
SOON AS HE GETS IN.

146
00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:09,124
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?

147
00:09:09,148 --> 00:09:12,195
THERE'S ONLY ONE THING WE CAN DO...
EAT ACROSS THE STREET AT ANGELO'S.

148
00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:15,186
HOW CAN YOU THINK OF
FOOD AT A TIME LIKE THIS?!

149
00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:18,801
99, THE ONLY THING WE CAN DO

150
00:09:18,825 --> 00:09:21,003
IS TO APPOINT A TEMPORARY
CHIEF OF CONTROL

151
00:09:21,027 --> 00:09:23,572
FROM AMONG THE THREE
OF US. AND WHOEVER IT IS

152
00:09:23,596 --> 00:09:25,641
WILL HAVE TO BE
HIGHLY INTELLIGENT,

153
00:09:25,665 --> 00:09:30,146
COMPLETELY FEARLESS, WITH AN ACUTE
SENSE OF COMMAND AND ORGANIZATION.

154
00:09:30,170 --> 00:09:32,315
- MAX, CAN I CALL MY WIFE?
- WHAT FOR?

155
00:09:32,339 --> 00:09:35,779
I WANT TO SEE IF IT'S ALL RIGHT WITH HER
BEFORE I TAKE ON ALL THAT EXTRA WORK.

156
00:09:37,343 --> 00:09:39,788
I WASN'T THINKING
OF YOU, LARABEE.

157
00:09:39,812 --> 00:09:42,057
I WAS THINKING OF
MYSELF FOR THE JOB.

158
00:09:42,081 --> 00:09:44,894
OH, I HAVE TO CALL
MY WIFE ANYWAY, MAX.

159
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:47,896
OH, MAX, I THINK THAT'S
A MARVELOUS IDEA!

160
00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:49,932
YOU HAVE MORE
EXPERIENCE THAN ANY OF US.

161
00:09:49,956 --> 00:09:53,702
WELL, ALL RIGHT, 99.
I'LL ACCEPT THE JOB.

162
00:09:53,726 --> 00:09:56,472
NOW WHAT'S THE FIRST
THING YOU THINK I SHOULD DO

163
00:09:56,496 --> 00:09:58,173
AS THE TEMPORARY
CHIEF OF CONTROL?

164
00:09:58,197 --> 00:10:02,111
- REOPEN
THE CONTROL DELICATESSEN.
- I MEAN AFTER THAT.

165
00:10:02,135 --> 00:10:04,413
DON'T YOU THINK THE
FIRST THING WE OUGHT TO DO

166
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:07,182
- IS TO THE FIND THE CHIEF?
- SHE'S RIGHT, 86. THEY MAY KILL HIM.

167
00:10:07,206 --> 00:10:09,384
I DON'T THINK THEY'LL
DO THAT, LARABEE.

168
00:10:09,408 --> 00:10:12,788
THE CHIEF HAS BEEN THE 22nd
AGENT THAT THEY'VE KIDNAPPED.

169
00:10:12,812 --> 00:10:15,224
NOW WITH ALL THOSE MEN
AND ALL THAT KNOWLEDGE

170
00:10:15,248 --> 00:10:18,127
I DOUBT VERY MUCH
IF KAOS WILL KILL THEM.

171
00:10:18,151 --> 00:10:20,362
THEY MUST BE KEEPING
THEM PRISONER SOMEWHERE.

172
00:10:20,386 --> 00:10:22,765
- BUT WHERE?
- THERE'S ONLY
ONE WAY TO FIND OUT.

173
00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:24,734
- HOW?
- I'M GONNA HAVE
MYSELF KIDNAPPED.

174
00:10:24,758 --> 00:10:28,003
NO, MAX! I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU
SACRIFICE YOURSELF LIKE THAT!

175
00:10:28,027 --> 00:10:29,905
SHE'S RIGHT, MAX. LET ME GO.

176
00:10:29,929 --> 00:10:33,042
ARE YOU SAYING THAT
BECAUSE I'M MARRIED, LARABEE?

177
00:10:33,066 --> 00:10:35,544
NO, MAX, I'M SAYING THAT
BECAUSE<i> I'M</i> MARRIED.

178
00:10:35,568 --> 00:10:38,514
HOW DO YOU INTEND TO GET
YOURSELF KIDNAPPED, MAX?

179
00:10:38,538 --> 00:10:42,485
99, WHEN THE CHIEF AND KENDALL
WENT DOWN TO THE AIRPORT,

180
00:10:42,509 --> 00:10:44,820
THEY WERE BOTH PAGED
TO THAT TELEPHONE.

181
00:10:44,844 --> 00:10:48,057
WHEN THEY WENT INSIDE THAT
TELEPHONE BOOTH, THEY BOTH DISAPPEARED.

182
00:10:48,081 --> 00:10:50,960
LARABEE, GIVE ME 20 MINUTES
TO GET TO THE AIRPORT,

183
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:54,163
THEN I WANT YOU TO CALL AND
HAVE ME PAGED TO THE TELEPHONE.

184
00:10:54,187 --> 00:10:56,566
UNLESS I MISS MY GUESS

185
00:10:56,590 --> 00:10:59,034
IN AN HOUR I'LL BE MISSING.

186
00:10:59,058 --> 00:11:01,938
- BE CAREFUL, MAX.
- DON'T WORRY, 99.

187
00:11:01,962 --> 00:11:04,374
I'LL CALL YOU AS
SOON AS I'M CAPTURED.

188
00:11:04,398 --> 00:11:07,698
MAX, IF THEY CAPTURE YOU, THEY'RE
NOT GONNA LET YOU USE THE TELEPHONE.

189
00:11:09,035 --> 00:11:11,736
YOU'RE RIGHT, 99.
YOU'D BETTER CALL ME.

190
00:11:15,074 --> 00:11:17,453
TELEPHONE CALL
FOR MAXWELL SMART.

191
00:11:17,477 --> 00:11:19,655
<i>Maxwell Smart.</i>

192
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,880
<i>Again.</i>

193
00:11:24,451 --> 00:11:26,963
- HELLO?
- HI, MAX. DID YOU DISAPPEAR YET?

194
00:11:26,987 --> 00:11:29,798
NO, I DIDN'T DISAPPEAR
YET. I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.

195
00:11:29,822 --> 00:11:32,902
THEY PROBABLY DON'T REALIZE
HOW VITAL I AM TO CONTROL.

196
00:11:32,926 --> 00:11:35,771
- DO YOU WANT ME TO
CALL THEM AND TELL THEM?
- NO, I DON'T WANT YOU

197
00:11:35,795 --> 00:11:39,175
TO CALL THEM AND TELL THEM. I WANT
YOU TO CALL THEM AND HAVE ME PAGED,

198
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:42,934
AND THIS TIME TRY AND MAKE ME
SOUND AS IMPORTANT AS YOU CAN.

199
00:11:44,337 --> 00:11:47,282
TELEPHONE CALL FOR<i>
PRESIDENT</i> MAXWELL SMART.

200
00:11:47,306 --> 00:11:50,752
<i>President Maxwell Smart.</i>

201
00:11:50,776 --> 00:11:54,223
- <i>President Maxwell Smart.</i>
- UH, THAT'S AN IMPORTANT
PHONE CALL FOR ME...

202
00:11:54,247 --> 00:11:57,560
TAKE IT IN YOUR USUAL
BOOTH, MR. PRESIDENT.

203
00:11:57,584 --> 00:11:59,561
- THANK YOU.
- Man over P.A.:
<i>This is the final call</i>

204
00:11:59,585 --> 00:12:03,399
<i>for flight 13 to
Miami.</i> Adios, amigos.

205
00:12:03,423 --> 00:12:06,202
- HELLO.
- HI, MAX. ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

206
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:08,759
YES, I'M ALL RIGHT, 99.
NOTHING'S HAPPENED SO FAR.

207
00:12:12,766 --> 00:12:15,144
- YES?
- DON'T YOU THINK
WE OUGHT TO GET RID OF HIM?

208
00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:17,880
WE CAN'T! HE'S NOT ON OUR LIST
OF IMPORTANT CONTROL AGENTS.

209
00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:20,516
BUT HE KNOWS THERE'S SOMETHING
UNUSUAL ABOUT THAT PHONE BOOTH.

210
00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:23,085
I'D FEEL BETTER IF
WE GOT RID OF HIM.

211
00:12:23,109 --> 00:12:25,621
PERHAPS YOU'RE RIGHT.

212
00:12:25,645 --> 00:12:27,890
I HATE TO BOTHER YOU AT WORK,
BUT I WAS ABOUT TO COOK DINNER

213
00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:29,859
AND I DIDN'T KNOW WHETHER
TO COOK FOR ONE OR TWO.

214
00:12:29,883 --> 00:12:32,561
THE WAY THINGS ARE GOING,
YOU MIGHT AS WELL COOK FOR TWO.

215
00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:35,530
IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE I'M GOING
TO BE DISAPPEARING TONIGHT.

216
00:12:35,554 --> 00:12:38,267
I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER. BYE-BYE.

217
00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:40,124
HANG UP, SMART.

218
00:12:49,168 --> 00:12:53,504
- SO YOU'RE IN ON THIS.
- KAOS AGENT NOVA
AT YOUR SERVICE.

219
00:12:55,542 --> 00:12:57,320
SO THAT'S HOW YOU DID IT.

220
00:12:57,344 --> 00:13:00,223
THE OLD CHECK-THE-BAGGAGE-
TAKE-OUT-THE-INSURANCE-

221
00:13:00,247 --> 00:13:02,524
PAGE-'EM-TO-THE-PHONES-
SPIN-THE-BOOTH TRICK.

222
00:13:02,548 --> 00:13:05,127
IT'S AN OLD TRICK, SMART,
BUT IT'S AN EFFECTIVE ONE,

223
00:13:05,151 --> 00:13:07,496
AS 22 OF YOUR CONTROL
AGENTS BEFORE YOU CAN VOUCH.

224
00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:10,266
ALL RIGHT, NOVA. THERE'S JUST
ONE QUESTION I'D LIKE TO ASK

225
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:12,101
AND THEN I'M PUTTING
YOU UNDER ARREST.

226
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:14,637
HOW CAN YOU PUT ME UNDER
ARREST WHEN I'M HOLDING THE GUN?

227
00:13:14,661 --> 00:13:16,594
UH, THAT WAS MY QUESTION.

228
00:13:18,064 --> 00:13:19,064
GO ON.

229
00:13:56,269 --> 00:13:58,169
Woman:<i> NOVA!</i>

230
00:14:06,913 --> 00:14:09,353
ALL RIGHT. COME ON,
GET OUT OF THERE.

231
00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:13,929
- WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM?
- I THOUGHT HE WAS YOU.

232
00:14:13,953 --> 00:14:17,399
OH REALLY? I DON'T THINK HE
LOOKS ANYTHING AT ALL LIKE ME.

233
00:14:17,423 --> 00:14:20,002
ALL RIGHT, MR. SMART,
YOU CAN TAKE ME IN.

234
00:14:20,026 --> 00:14:21,637
THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT I'M GONNA DO.

235
00:14:21,661 --> 00:14:24,006
BEFORE I DO THAT, THERE ARE
SOME THINGS I'D LIKE TO KNOW.

236
00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:25,907
<i>AND YOU CAN START
OFF BY TELLING ME</i>

237
00:14:25,931 --> 00:14:28,678
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE 22
CONTROL AGENTS THAT DISAPPEARED.

238
00:14:28,702 --> 00:14:30,502
THEY'RE BEING HELD PRISONERS.

239
00:15:15,514 --> 00:15:17,548
FALL IN!

240
00:15:19,385 --> 00:15:23,032
FALL IN! <i>AUS!</i> ON THE DOUBLE!

241
00:15:23,056 --> 00:15:25,989
KEEP IT MOVING! HURRY IT UP!

242
00:15:29,428 --> 00:15:31,440
<i>ACHTUNG!</i>

243
00:15:31,464 --> 00:15:35,010
YOU WILL NOW BE ADDRESSED BY
THE COMMANDANT OF THIS CAMP,

244
00:15:35,034 --> 00:15:39,348
COLONEL LUDWIG VON SIEGFRIED!

245
00:15:46,345 --> 00:15:47,744
UH!

246
00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:53,362
PRISONERS OF CAMP
GITCHIE GOOMEE...

247
00:15:53,386 --> 00:15:57,899
NOONEE WA-WA, YOU
HAVE BEEN BEATEN,

248
00:15:57,923 --> 00:16:02,805
TORTURED, STARVED,
MAIMED<i> UND</i> RACKED,

249
00:16:02,829 --> 00:16:07,342
<i>UND</i> NOW THE PICNIC IS OVER!

250
00:16:07,366 --> 00:16:11,747
- SIR.
- WHAT IS IT,
CHIEF OF CONTROL?

251
00:16:11,771 --> 00:16:13,449
I HAVE ONLY BEEN
HERE A FEW DAYS,

252
00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:15,418
BUT AS COMMANDING
OFFICER OF THESE MEN

253
00:16:15,442 --> 00:16:17,086
I MUST REGISTER A PROTEST.

254
00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:20,289
THE FOOD, THE CLOTHING
AND THE SANITARY CONDITIONS

255
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:23,092
IN THIS CAMP ARE
DISGRACEFUL AND INTOLERABLE.

256
00:16:23,116 --> 00:16:25,961
TELL IT TO THE MARINES, BALDY!

257
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:28,764
- I DEMAND SOMETHING BE DONE.
- IT DOESN'T MATTER.

258
00:16:28,788 --> 00:16:31,399
YOU PRISONERS WILL NOT BE
STAYING HERE MUCH LONGER.

259
00:16:31,423 --> 00:16:33,402
BECAUSE ARRIVING TODAY

260
00:16:33,426 --> 00:16:38,073
FROM OUR GLORIOUS
FATHERLAND, SOUTH AMERICA,

261
00:16:38,097 --> 00:16:40,075
IS A MAN WHO WILL TRANSPORT YOU

262
00:16:40,099 --> 00:16:42,210
BEHIND THE IRON CURTAIN...

263
00:16:42,234 --> 00:16:45,013
MAJOR FRITZ KESSLER,

264
00:16:45,037 --> 00:16:48,284
<i>THE BEAST OF BUENOS AIRES!</i>

265
00:16:48,308 --> 00:16:51,052
I THOUGHT KESSLER
WAS COMING NEXT WEEK.

266
00:16:51,076 --> 00:16:53,322
I THOUGHT SO TOO, BUT
HE JUST CALLED <i>UND</i> SAID

267
00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:55,324
HE WOULD BE
ARRIVING<i> IMMEDIATELY.</i>

268
00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:58,126
I'LL SEND A MOTORCYCLE
ESCORT TO MEET HIM AT THE GATE.

269
00:16:58,150 --> 00:17:01,530
OH, HE'LL BE SO IMPRESSED
WITH THE MOTORCYCLES GOING...

270
00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:05,967
UH, STARKER?

271
00:17:05,991 --> 00:17:08,437
THIS IS KAOS.

272
00:17:08,461 --> 00:17:11,507
WE DON'T... HERE.

273
00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:13,931
ANYWAY, IT'S ALREADY
TAKEN CARE OF.

274
00:17:24,577 --> 00:17:27,010
<i>UND</i> THERE'S KESSLER NOW.

275
00:18:15,528 --> 00:18:17,394
WELCOME, MAJOR KESSLER.

276
00:18:18,964 --> 00:18:22,411
TELL ME, DID YOU HAVE ANY
TROUBLE FINDING THE CAMP?

277
00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:26,381
NO, BUT WE DID HAVE A LITTLE
TROUBLE WITH THE POLICE.

278
00:18:26,405 --> 00:18:29,484
- WHAT HAPPENED?
- THEY STOPPED US
AT A ROADBLOCK.

279
00:18:29,508 --> 00:18:31,554
- WHAT FOR?
- I DON'T KNOW.

280
00:18:31,578 --> 00:18:34,244
THEY ARE STOPPING ALL
KAOS COMMAND CARS TODAY.

281
00:18:35,714 --> 00:18:37,759
WELL, COLONEL SIEGFRIED,

282
00:18:37,783 --> 00:18:42,531
YOU HAVE DONE A SPLENDID
JOB HERE WITH THE CAMP.

283
00:18:42,555 --> 00:18:44,633
THE HIGH COMMANDER
IS VERY PLEASED.

284
00:18:44,657 --> 00:18:47,903
- <i>DANKE SCHON.</i>
- ALL OVER THE WORLD,

285
00:18:47,927 --> 00:18:50,839
BRAVE MEN ARE TREMBLING

286
00:18:50,863 --> 00:18:54,098
AT THE MERE MENTION
OF THE NAME GITCHIE...

287
00:18:55,268 --> 00:18:56,579
GITCHIE GOOMEE NOONEE WA-WA.

288
00:18:56,603 --> 00:18:59,448
THEY ARE SCARED TO
DEATH OF THAT NAME.

289
00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:01,016
<i>TELL ME, COLONEL SIEGFRIED,</i>

290
00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:03,652
IS IT TRUE THE
STORIES I HAVE HEARD?

291
00:19:03,676 --> 00:19:06,988
OH, WELL, EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE

292
00:19:07,012 --> 00:19:10,125
STARKER AND I DO
GO INTO PASSAIC,

293
00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:12,994
WE HAVE A FEW DRINKS, <i>UND,</i> UH...

294
00:19:13,018 --> 00:19:15,386
♪ CHICKA-CHICKA-CHICKA-UH! ♪

295
00:19:16,756 --> 00:19:18,767
- COLONEL SIEGFRIED.
- <i>JA?</i>

296
00:19:18,791 --> 00:19:21,436
THIS IS KAOS. WE DON'T, UH...

297
00:19:21,460 --> 00:19:23,906
- CHICKA-CHICKA-CHICKA?
- WE DON'T DO THAT HERE.

298
00:19:23,930 --> 00:19:27,108
WOULD THE MAJOR CARE
TO INSPECT THE PRISONERS?

299
00:19:27,132 --> 00:19:29,244
BRING THEM OUT.

300
00:19:29,268 --> 00:19:34,116
- THEY ARE ALREADY OUT.
- THIS IS ALL THE PRISONERS
YOU HAVE?

301
00:19:34,140 --> 00:19:38,187
NO, WE HAVE SIX MORE
IN THE SWEATBOX...

302
00:19:38,211 --> 00:19:41,078
HE'LL BE OUT IN ONE HOUR.

303
00:19:42,481 --> 00:19:44,993
"HE"? YOU SAID SIX.

304
00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:48,664
SIX GO IN, ONE COMES OUT.

305
00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:51,967
THE HEAT... FUSES THEM TOGETHER.

306
00:19:51,991 --> 00:19:54,759
AH. I WILL LOOK THEM OVER.

307
00:19:57,396 --> 00:19:59,208
TELL ME, STARKER,

308
00:19:59,232 --> 00:20:02,299
WHO DOES MAJOR
KESSLER REMIND YOU OF?

309
00:20:03,603 --> 00:20:06,670
- HANS GRUBER?
- <i>NEIN NEIN,</i> AN AMERICAN.

310
00:20:08,274 --> 00:20:11,942
- MICKEY GRUBER.
- DON'T PUSH IT, STARKER.

311
00:20:15,147 --> 00:20:17,881
DON'T LET ON,
HENDERSON. IT'S ME, SMART.

312
00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:25,300
WILKINSON, PASS THE WORD:

313
00:20:25,324 --> 00:20:27,391
I'M BREAKING YOU
OUT OF HERE TONIGHT.

314
00:20:30,797 --> 00:20:32,930
DON'T WORRY, OLD
TIMER. I'LL GET YOU OUT.

315
00:20:35,534 --> 00:20:38,802
CHIEF, IT'S ME, MAX.

316
00:20:39,872 --> 00:20:41,617
MAX?! HOW'D YOU FIND US?

317
00:20:41,641 --> 00:20:43,718
THE GIRL AT THE INSURANCE
COUNTER, SHE TALKED.

318
00:20:43,742 --> 00:20:45,987
YOU'LL NEVER GET AWAY WITH
IT. SIEGFRIED'LL RECOGNIZE YOU.

319
00:20:46,011 --> 00:20:48,946
NOT WITH THIS EYE PATCH,
SCAR AND MUSTACHE, HE WON'T.

320
00:20:51,817 --> 00:20:53,962
<i>KENDALL, YOU'VE
GOT A LOT OF NERVE.</i>

321
00:20:53,986 --> 00:20:56,587
THAT WAS ONLY A $500
POLICY YOU LEFT ME.

322
00:20:58,958 --> 00:21:02,037
- UH, MAJOR KESSLER?
- WE'LL BREAK OUT TONIGHT.

323
00:21:02,061 --> 00:21:04,039
Siegfried: <i>IT'S MUCH
TOO HOT OUT HERE.</i>

324
00:21:04,063 --> 00:21:07,223
WON'T YOU JOIN ME IN MY
QUARTERS FOR SOME SCHNAPPS?

325
00:21:08,534 --> 00:21:10,479
THANK YOU, COLONEL SIEGFRIED,

326
00:21:10,503 --> 00:21:13,848
BUT I'D MUCH
RATHER HAVE A DRINK.

327
00:21:13,872 --> 00:21:16,117
MAJOR, EVER SINCE YOU ARRIVED

328
00:21:16,141 --> 00:21:19,721
I'VE BEEN TRYING TO PLACE
WHERE I'VE SEEN YOU BEFORE.

329
00:21:19,745 --> 00:21:22,524
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO TOBRUK?

330
00:21:22,548 --> 00:21:25,115
- <i>NEIN.</i>
- DUNKIRK?

331
00:21:26,285 --> 00:21:28,385
- <i>NEIN.</i>
- HOW ABOUT BERKELEY?

332
00:21:31,824 --> 00:21:33,790
YOU KNOW, COLONEL SIEGFRIED...

333
00:21:35,061 --> 00:21:39,596
YOU ARE DOING A SPLENDID
JOB HERE AT THE CAMP.

334
00:21:40,666 --> 00:21:45,848
WHO KNOWS, THE
WAY THINGS ARE GOING,

335
00:21:45,872 --> 00:21:50,908
TODAY PASSAIC,
TOMORROW THE WORLD!

336
00:21:54,347 --> 00:21:55,790
TELL ME, COLONEL SIEGFRIED,

337
00:21:55,814 --> 00:21:58,293
WHERE DO YOU KEEP THE
FILE ON THE PRISONERS?

338
00:21:58,317 --> 00:22:01,718
- IN THE TOP DRAWER.
- AH! GOOD.

339
00:22:20,472 --> 00:22:24,386
NOW I KNOW WHO YOU REMIND ME OF.

340
00:22:24,410 --> 00:22:26,822
OH. WHO IS THAT?

341
00:22:26,846 --> 00:22:29,191
YOU'LL PROBABLY LAUGH,
BUT YOU REMIND ME

342
00:22:29,215 --> 00:22:32,549
OF CONTROL AGENT MAXWELL SMART.

343
00:22:39,625 --> 00:22:44,305
DID YOU SAY "MAXWELL SMART"?

344
00:22:44,329 --> 00:22:46,096
<i>JA,</i> MAXWELL SMART.

345
00:22:57,809 --> 00:22:59,521
HUH!

346
00:22:59,545 --> 00:23:03,325
THAT IS THE FUNNIEST THING I
HAVE EVER HEARD, SIEGFRIED.

347
00:23:03,349 --> 00:23:06,328
MAXWELL SMART, EH?

348
00:23:06,352 --> 00:23:09,631
YOU HAVE A DELIGHTFUL
SENSE OF HUMOR.

349
00:23:09,655 --> 00:23:11,321
I DRINK TO IT.

350
00:23:13,192 --> 00:23:15,571
Siegfried: <i>NO, REALLY, IF
NOT FOR THE EYE PATCH</i>

351
00:23:15,595 --> 00:23:17,940
<i>UND</i> THE MOUSTACHE ON
YOUR GLASS, I WOULD SWEAR...

352
00:23:17,964 --> 00:23:20,509
ON YOUR GLASS? YOU
ARE MAXWELL SMART!

353
00:23:20,533 --> 00:23:24,401
STARKER!

354
00:23:26,939 --> 00:23:30,184
- NEVER MIND, STARKER.
- BUT HE'LL GET AWAY, SIEGFRIED!

355
00:23:30,208 --> 00:23:33,388
I DON'T THINK SO. THIS WINDOW
OVERLOOKS THE KENNELS.

356
00:23:33,412 --> 00:23:35,279
HE'LL BE TORN TO SHREDS!

357
00:23:37,083 --> 00:23:39,716
STARKER, RELEASE THE DOGS!